I intend to be the best web-zine editor that I can possibly be. I then plan to use my vast powers of intellect, and my ridiculously good looks to rid the world of evil, and country music, and save mankind for the sake of Christmas, and puppies. After all, fear leads to hate, hate leads to anger, and anger leads to the dark side*. Thank you for your time, and your support of our new web-zine. And may your forehead grow like the mighty oak.

The sole purpose of my being on this staff is entertaining and enlightening all students about the buzzing life at McCook Community College, and to prevent the Village People from taking over the school dances.

Why am I at MCC, you ask. That’s a really good question and one that will take much pondering. In the meantime, you might be interested to know that the key to understanding me is to understand that I am incessantly anal-retentive. That basically means that I’m organized and stress about things that don’t go according to my plan. I’m not crazy, really; that’s just how I am. I also love animals; I even work in a pet shop. I have three cats, a dog, a fish, and a snake at home. Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for now. Just remember, cheesecake is not a good solvent.

The sole purpose for my existence within the core of this project is to create such dynamic static that I, myself, can and will become the ultimate informative and amusing educationalist. Though I can’t speak for my own metal sanity, I hope through the visitation to this institution you might, in a way, become of the enlightened men and women of the world. Never let the over-compromised technical words of the socioculturally advanced individuals confuse you and/or take advantage of you. Trust us; we’re the student’s students, the people’s people. You can count on us. Amen.